I Want That

Swiss Army knives are a thing of the past.

http://www.engadget.com/2007/07/18/the-macgyver-multitool/

We now have the macgyver-multitool. I know what you are thinking--"That looks like an ordinary paper clip." You could not be more wrong. The metal alloy used to create the multitool is secret. A paper clip would not hold up to the rigor you might need to put a real tool under.

Desperate = Bye Bye

There is nothing sadder than a desperate person. Like a caged and cornered animal ready to leap on anything getting near it, the desperato (not desperado) finds its inhuman wile and tenacity. A few months ago I had the saddest example of desperate that I have ever experienced. The story needs to be prefaced with some history.

I love Costco! I love buying in bulk. I’m a sucker for the frozen food section. This has been a more recent development. I got a coupon book in the mail and I used some coupons to save me tons of money. One of the items I purchased was a five pound bag of chicken nuggets. I thought the price was outrageously cheap and I was excited. Once I got home, I tried some nuggets. I was satisfied and thought that I would never be sick of the nuggets. I learned, after I had finished the first bag and purchased the second bag, that I was so very wrong. I tried giving the nuggets away, but everyone questioned my motives. I can not waste food, so I thought I would stick it out and finish the nuggets and simply never buy them again. As I was nearing the end of the bag those desperate pieces of chicken meat tried telling me something, but I would give the message no thought. This is the message:

I ate the nuggets and never bought them again. I lost a lot of respect for the nuggets that day. Pathetic!

To Stink, or Not to Stink…Do I Care? (Part 2)

Stinking by your self is no big deal. I don’t want to stink, but I may not get around to showering, or I may need to run an errand before I can shower, or I figure that showering late at night is a waste of time. If you don’t understand my reasoning, I’ll give an example to compare: Would you make your bed at night knowing you are going to sleep in it again within a short time? No, cause you would be crazy insane if you wasted your time doing so. I figure, if you don’t make your bed in the morning, then it would be pointless to make it right before you go to bed. Whether I believe in “making my bed” or not is a story for another time.

I will not leave the house if I smell bad beyond a 2 foot radius around me (No one should be standing and talking to you within 2 ft of your armpits; close talkers beware). You might ask, “How can you gauge that?” Well, I’m glad you asked that question, because I am excited to tell you the answer. Skillz. I’m just that good. Others of you may need a second party to help you out. As you have a friend give you the okay, just remember that you have to gauge the stench based on the amount of time you will be out and about. Plus, on top of this you need to consider the temperature and the vigor of the activity you may be participating in. You are not just thinking about the stench radius before you leave the house, you are considering how much your stench will increase as you are in public. Anything past a 2 foot radius of stench and you become socially unacceptable. Basically, you can no longer interact with others and not offend them in an acceptable way.

Here is a graph to show the activity to time ratio. I did not have a 3D graphing program to throw in the third variable of temperature. But I guessed it to be around the figures that the red line depicts.

Remember, it’s not bad if you don’t shower every day, is it?

To Stink, or Not to Stink…Do I Care? (Part 1)

Tomorrow I’m going back home to Cali for a few days. Before I leave, I thought I would write about a little somethin’ that relates to the previous topic.

Some days, I just don’t shower. I’m not shy about it. It's a simple fact. I don’t shower every day and it’s not because I'm trying to save water or because I hate to shower. The reason changes as does the weather.

I guess there are two questions that should be asked in order to properly understand my reasoning:

1. Do I need to shower?

2. Should I shower?

I’ll answer the questions respectively: Maybe and yes. See, I know that I should shower at least once a day. Put yourself in my shoes for a second: I work from home, most days I don’t have to leave my house, I wear deodorant and I wash my clothes regularly. Deodorant and clean clothes are key to smelling not bad. Showering is only necessary every other day if you have those two things done properly. I give you time to experience my life for a few seconds before you go on reading…

Okay start again.

If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound? I think you smell what I’m stepping in.

Pants: I Wear Only When I Must

Some people think it is funny that I don’t wear pants. Let me clarify, I don’t go commando and I don’t wear dresses, skirts or kilts. I choose to not wear pants when there is no need. This has been the topic of much discussion as of late, and I want to announce to all the people who DO wear pants when they don’t need to, that you are silly. Yes, I said it. I even used the word silly. I used this word because you live in a silly little world where you think you need to wear pants. There are only 2 reasons for wearing pants: 1. In social situations, it is the proper thing to do, and 2. It is cold. I guess if you are sitting in a leather or pleather seat you have another reason.

I expect to hear no more laughter over this topic, since I believe there is nothing more to explain from my end. Though I think you all have some explaining to do