Kung Fued You

A Few Fights and a Fat Lip

2007-09-26T12:35:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to say it but to just come out and say it like it is. Some friends and I went to watch some fights in SLC last Saturday. We cheered for a friend who was fighting at light heavyweight. In the mix of the 12 exciting fights, frenzied fans cheered for their fighters and I ended up in the mix with a bloody lip. It came at me out of nowhere. It's sad that this happened and I did not even get into a proper fight to earn it. I got nailed in the mouth by a flying, free, dog tag that some dude chucked toward me. Other than that, the night was awesome!

Quotes and a Word

2007-08-20T16:31:00.000-07:00

I love quotes! I should rephrase that, I love true and good quotes! I think I may have accidentally come up with a few of my own. I don't know whether these things have been said in the past by others, but I said them in a message to a friend today.

"Too many facts weigh down my imagination." by Chris Bills

"I always play stupid. That way, when I'm being stupid, it's just normal." Chris Bills

If you understand what these quotes really mean, because you have experienced yourself in these circumstances, then you get two stars (shurikens) from me.

Quotes are great, but words are better.

Brownp = Poop

History - My friend Ben came up with this word when he was a child. The word was used as a substitute for the word poop. He would use this word so he would not get in trouble with his parents for saying poop. This word can be used in place of many other poop related words.

Confessions of a Middle Aged Yoga King

2007-08-08T14:27:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so maybe I'm a bit hasty in claiming my kinghood. Today was my first Yoga class. How was it? Awesome! Was it girlie? Yeah, but whatever it takes to feel young and spry again. Was it hard? I sweat my butt off and it was a relaxed beginning session. Thanks to Staci and her Yoga skills I feel like I have a new grasp on life. I had a 50 minute private lesson and I quickly went to the nearest sporting good store and got me a yoga mat. I will be practicing on my own for a short while. Dang that downward facing dog position!

Apple Tries to Copy the Macgyver Multitool

2007-08-08T14:14:00.000-07:00

It's a sad day when Apple starts to TRY copying the Macgyver Multitool I mentioned a couple articles ago. Here it is:

The article showing this copy attempt is found here:

Friday Night Hunt

2007-08-08T12:37:00.000-07:00

I think snakes are beautiful creatures. Many people would not agree with me. I have caught many snakes in my day, but I have never dared to catch a rattlesnake. I thought I should change that. The truth is that I have never even seen one in the wild and I want to. Along with these two things, I would like to eat rattlesnake.

The decision was made and I planned to go hunting for rattlesnake last Friday. I had one brave soul who came with me, Mary H. She was also the photographer. We searched the area surrounding Deer Creek Reservoir.

After 2.5 hours of searching we were quite tired and the sun was starting to set. Our day was done and it was rather unfruitful. We did happen to document one semi interesting thing. We found a snake skin that was slightly more than 3 feet long. It looked to be a week or so old, but it gave us hope knowing that there were snakes in them hills.

I am determined to find, catch and eat a rattlesnake, before the summer ends. Until next time.

I Want That

2007-07-30T15:19:00.000-07:00

Swiss Army knives are a thing of the past.

http://www.engadget.com/2007/07/18/the-macgyver-multitool/

We now have the macgyver-multitool. I know what you are thinking--"That looks like an ordinary paper clip." You could not be more wrong. The metal alloy used to create the multitool is secret. A paper clip would not hold up to the rigor you might need to put a real tool under.

Desperate = Bye Bye

2007-07-17T16:52:00.000-07:00

There is nothing sadder than a desperate person. Like a caged and cornered animal ready to leap on anything getting near it, the desperato (not desperado) finds its inhuman wile and tenacity. A few months ago I had the saddest example of desperate that I have ever experienced. The story needs to be prefaced with some history.

I love Costco! I love buying in bulk. I’m a sucker for the frozen food section. This has been a more recent development. I got a coupon book in the mail and I used some coupons to save me tons of money. One of the items I purchased was a five pound bag of chicken nuggets. I thought the price was outrageously cheap and I was excited. Once I got home, I tried some nuggets. I was satisfied and thought that I would never be sick of the nuggets. I learned, after I had finished the first bag and purchased the second bag, that I was so very wrong. I tried giving the nuggets away, but everyone questioned my motives. I can not waste food, so I thought I would stick it out and finish the nuggets and simply never buy them again. As I was nearing the end of the bag those desperate pieces of chicken meat tried telling me something, but I would give the message no thought. This is the message:

I ate the nuggets and never bought them again. I lost a lot of respect for the nuggets that day. Pathetic!

To Stink, or Not to Stink…Do I Care? (Part 2)

2007-07-06T16:56:00.000-07:00

Stinking by your self is no big deal. I don’t want to stink, but I may not get around to showering, or I may need to run an errand before I can shower, or I figure that showering late at night is a waste of time. If you don’t understand my reasoning, I’ll give an example to compare: Would you make your bed at night knowing you are going to sleep in it again within a short time? No, cause you would be crazy insane if you wasted your time doing so. I figure, if you don’t make your bed in the morning, then it would be pointless to make it right before you go to bed. Whether I believe in “making my bed” or not is a story for another time.

I will not leave the house if I smell bad beyond a 2 foot radius around me (No one should be standing and talking to you within 2 ft of your armpits; close talkers beware). You might ask, “How can you gauge that?” Well, I’m glad you asked that question, because I am excited to tell you the answer. Skillz. I’m just that good. Others of you may need a second party to help you out. As you have a friend give you the okay, just remember that you have to gauge the stench based on the amount of time you will be out and about. Plus, on top of this you need to consider the temperature and the vigor of the activity you may be participating in. You are not just thinking about the stench radius before you leave the house, you are considering how much your stench will increase as you are in public. Anything past a 2 foot radius of stench and you become socially unacceptable. Basically, you can no longer interact with others and not offend them in an acceptable way.

Here is a graph to show the activity to time ratio. I did not have a 3D graphing program to throw in the third variable of temperature. But I guessed it to be around the figures that the red line depicts.

Remember, it’s not bad if you don’t shower every day, is it?

To Stink, or Not to Stink…Do I Care? (Part 1)

2007-07-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I’m going back home to Cali for a few days. Before I leave, I thought I would write about a little somethin’ that relates to the previous topic.

Some days, I just don’t shower. I’m not shy about it. It's a simple fact. I don’t shower every day and it’s not because I'm trying to save water or because I hate to shower. The reason changes as does the weather.

I guess there are two questions that should be asked in order to properly understand my reasoning:

1. Do I need to shower?

2. Should I shower?

I’ll answer the questions respectively: Maybe and yes. See, I know that I should shower at least once a day. Put yourself in my shoes for a second: I work from home, most days I don’t have to leave my house, I wear deodorant and I wash my clothes regularly. Deodorant and clean clothes are key to smelling not bad. Showering is only necessary every other day if you have those two things done properly. I give you time to experience my life for a few seconds before you go on reading…

Okay start again.

If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound? I think you smell what I’m stepping in.

Pants: I Wear Only When I Must

2007-07-05T15:43:00.000-07:00

Some people think it is funny that I don’t wear pants. Let me clarify, I don’t go commando and I don’t wear dresses, skirts or kilts. I choose to not wear pants when there is no need. This has been the topic of much discussion as of late, and I want to announce to all the people who DO wear pants when they don’t need to, that you are silly. Yes, I said it. I even used the word silly. I used this word because you live in a silly little world where you think you need to wear pants. There are only 2 reasons for wearing pants: 1. In social situations, it is the proper thing to do, and 2. It is cold. I guess if you are sitting in a leather or pleather seat you have another reason.

I expect to hear no more laughter over this topic, since I believe there is nothing more to explain from my end. Though I think you all have some explaining to do

Time change this!

2006-11-17T00:56:00.000-08:00

Arizona knows what’s up…almost. I don’t know or care who made the decision that Arizona would not conform to this time change thing, but it’s nice to know that one state has things almost together. I say “almost” because this time of year things are too crazy with the lack of sunlight during the useful part of the day. Who cares if the sun is up at 6:00 or 7:00 in the morning! I can’t remember the last time I was up that early, but I do know that it was before this last time change.

My life just has not been the same since the time “fell back” - Up is down, and night is day. I can’t seem to get to bed before 4 or 5 in morning. It feels like I should be awake during the night and asleep during the day. How much daylight is there right now anyway, like 8 hours?! I don’t actually know, but I think that is a solid guess. I miss the summer nights lasted like 5 hours and it was daylight the rest of the time. Asking for summertime all the time is too much, but please, can’t we move daylight to end around 6:30PM, since no one cares about it being in the butt-crack early morning hours. I am just asking for my hour to stay where it was when it “sprung forward”.

On top of it all, I feel like I was duped by people telling me that the time change makes sense. At this point, hearing people say “but think about the hour you’ll save!” I don’t see the excitement in this statement. I’m still ticked about the hour I lost the 6 months before. Statements like that remind me of people telling me that my tax return is like free money. Yeah, free money that I work for. Don’t get me started on the tax program!

Arizona, move your time up an hour and we’re talkin’ business. For the rest of the nation that believes in time change - stop kidding yourself and accept the fact that time does not change. Stop messing with my life stupid time change!

PS-Thanks for bringing this issue to my understanding Jim. Haha, Jim!

What’s cool about normal?

2006-11-09T00:09:00.000-08:00

The idea of normality seems to cover the majority. Is normal perceived or is it real? That is a question each person can answer for themselves. On top of that each individual should evaluate the value he/she puts into normality. My opinion is that normal sucks! Normal is boring and rarely is it even safe. Normal in uncool and that is the bottom-line.

The history behind my thought on normality comes from a long string of pondering moments where I realized the uniqueness of my friend pool. My friends are cool and must therefore not be normal.

It is true that every friend I have is way cool in their own way. My friends are far from normal. We may be freaks or nerds, but we don’t aim to achieve some form of being like the masses. Sometimes, in a public place you will hear one or a couple of us screaming semi-obscene words louder than the other to see who can say the word the loudest before embarrassment hits. Now and then one of us may run down your street with their pants around their ankles. On occasion we may leave a special little fruit character on your doorstep with a note, all in good fun.

I don’t know what normal people do, but I doubt they have half the fun we do. I remember thinking to myself many years ago (last week) that I wish I truly knew what normal was. I have realized that I will never know normal, and I think I am better off for being so ignorant.

PS – Ben thanks for keeping things exciting and bringing out the freak in us!

Explosion of mouse funtasticness

2006-10-31T01:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I was at my friend’s house, Kell, and I was working on her wireless network when I noticed something scurry past my feet along the sofa. I have to say that I got a little excited. Kell was just telling me that she thought there was another mouse in the house, but I said “I highly doubt it.” Not but two weeks ago she caught a mouse in a trap. This new mouse had tripped one trap already and escaped, so I was excited for the challenge of the hunt.

I called Kell and her roomy downstairs to help hunt the little guy/girl/chude down. The mouse was under the sofa. After about 5 minutes of it dashing quickly from one place to the next we finally got it into the open in the kitchen and I smashed it against the wall with a broom. From there we transfer the thing into a clear plastic container, and then to a double lined brown lunch sack.

There is history to the paper lunch sack. Once upon a time, not too long ago, I owned a snake (Columbian boa). Mice were its staple diet. Mice tend to bite the snake when it is squeezing the life out of the mouse, so I found a way to stun the mouse. The way was to smack the mouse against a wall while it was in a paper lunch sack. Please do not think this to be cruel, cause trust me, it’s not. Mice suck!

Anyhow, I tried this with the mouse we caught and I made the mistake of hitting the sack, with mouse inside, too hard against the wall and the mouse exploded and then exploded from the sack. One too many explosions! Blood splatted everywhere. A large drop nailed me right in the middle of my forehead and the kitchen was tainted from wall to floor.

This is pretty much what it looked like; but not a cartoon and its guts were hanging out like in the pic.

So, to make a long story short I got the wireless running and everyone lived happily ever after.

…so I dated a chude

2006-10-24T09:49:00.000-07:00

Some of you may already know what a chude is. The definition has already been blogged on by my friend Kell in her Slanglish II bloggings. A chude is a chick that looks like a dude, in case you did not want to look that up. However, I would suggest that you visit her blog to get the history of the word also. If we work hard enough, we could find this word in the dictionary within 5 years.

The reason I mention the dating of a chude, is because there are different levels of chudedom. Some chudes are more obvious than others. One may ask, “How do I know whether I’ve dated a chude?” This is an important question, because you should know what you are doing at all times and you should always be aware of your surroundings. More important than whether you have dated a chude is, whether you are dating a chude currently. If you dig chudes, that’s cool, to each their own.

For you girls/chicks out there, don’t feel left out cause this applies to you also, just in reverse for everything said. There is not yet a word out there for dudes that look like chicks because it just makes a word I don’t want on my blog; unless we went with ducks, which is already a word with a different meaning. I’ll let others think about the new word.

Please, do not ask me whether or not I have dated a chude. This is not necessary, simply know that I have met many a chude and I have enough experience to be lecturing on the subject though I did not coin the word.

Here are three less obvious ways you can tell the girl you are dating, or have dated, is a chude:

1. You find yourself mildly more attracted to people of the same sex.

2. You find yourself competing against them as if they were a member of the same sex.

3. You find yourself to comfortable around the individual, thus doing things you normally would do only around members of the same sex (farting and such) and forgetting that it is somehow taboo. A chuckle or joke after such an occurrence is expected if the person is not a chude.

Any more obvious ways to tell can be summed up with the old quote, “If it walks like a duck (dude) and it talks like a duck (dude), it probably is a duck (chude).”

A thoughtful reminder of me

2006-10-17T13:52:00.000-07:00

The other day, while I was practicing crane style stances and flying death kicks in meditation, I realized that I must be close to the enlightened state that I aim to achieve. I was pleased with myself and treated myself to some delicious ice cream. I reflected upon the wise words of my dear enlighten dead friend Lao Tzu, “He who knows others is wise; He who knows himself is enlightened.” Wisdom is after all an afterthought to enlightenment. I though it was a good time to test myself on, whom else but myself. Here are the questions I asked myself, with the quick answers proceeding, and you may want to do the same for yourself:

What is my favorite color? Green…wait, blonde

What is my sign? Pisces

What year was I born? In the year of the horse

How much do I weigh? Just enough

What is my favorite food? Pizza

What is my favorite pastime? Sleep

What is my favorite comic book character? Iceman

Would I rather be able to fly or be invisible? Fly

Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Jolie

Dark of Milk? Milk

#1 or #2? Depends

What is my favorite music? Not country

No arms or no legs? No legs

Scurvy or chicken pox? Chicken pox

Pirate or superhero…

and right there is where my mind wandered to a different plane of consciousness and I was in a world of costumes and Halloween decorations. Though I may know myself relatively well, I still have no clue what I will be for Halloween. I was so close! There are like 4 Halloween parties to hit up. What are you planning to be? Got any ideas for me?

Sexy Back anytime now

2006-10-10T20:12:00.000-07:00

I’ve been noticing a big trend with people saying that they are “bringin’ sexy back”. Be it via MySpace, random people, or friends, I’ve heard/read it way too much. When a friend tells me (as if he is some sort of “playa”), “Yo Chris, I’m bringin’ sexy back baby” something is wrong. Did I slap him? No, but in my mind I did.

Now, I understand there is a song called “SexyBack”, but I do believe that Justin Timberlake has sole responsibility to bring sexy back. So please relax and let someone who has the finances and ability to undertake such a huge feat. Anybody else will just hurt themselves. After all, I’m a little lost to where sexy even went? I thought we had plenty, if not too much sexy in the world. I’ll trust Justin though, he seems like a smart kid; After all, he dated Britney Spears:

Sorry about the scary picture kids.

Then BAM!!! It hit me like a ton of bricks…he’s bringin’ Britney back. It’s so clear to me now. How I could have overlooked this, I do not know. Justin obviously saw the sad performance by K-Fed at the Kids Choice Awards and realized that something must be done; their past relationship aside. The world has just not been the same since Britney stopped her music career. Duh!

As you can see in the lyrics of his song, he is calling out to Britney.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sexy Back

I'm bringing sexy(Britney) back
Them other boys don't know how to act (K-Fed has no clue what Britney needs)
I think you're special whats behind your back (Britney had a nice behind once)
So turn around and ill pick up the slack (add skill to her music)
Take em' to the bridge

Dirty babe (duh, definitely Britney)
You see these shackles (the world without Britney)
Baby I'm your slave (Justin’s offer to get Britney back)
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave (Justin will work out with her if he has to)
It's just that no one makes me feel this way (Justin remembers the good time)

Take em' to the chorus

Come here girl (Come back Britney)
Go ahead, be gone with it
Come to the back
Go ahead, be gone with it
VIP
Go ahead, be gone with it
Drinks on me
Go ahead, be gone with it
Let me see what you're tworking with
Go ahead, be gone with it
Look at those hips (An area to work on/out)
Go ahead, be gone with it
You make me smile
Go ahead, be gone with it
Go ahead child
Go ahead, be gone with it
And get your sexy on
Go ahead, be gone with it
(this whole chorus section is basically a mantra to pump-up Britney to get her feelin’ up to the task of comin’ back to the music and Justin)

Get your sexy on (do your thing Britney)
Go ahead, be gone with it (yeah! You can do it!)

Get your sexy on

I'm bringing sexy back
Them other boys don't know how to act
Come let me make up for the things you lack (Justin will help her with singin’ lessons)
Cause your burning up I gotta get it fast (Justin’ll hook it up when Brit slims down)
Take em' to the bridge

I'm bringing sexy back
Them other boys don't know how to act
If that's your girl you better watch your back (watch out K-Fed)
Cause she'll burn it up for me and that's a fact (she’s gettin’ back into show shape)

Take em' to the chorus
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Sly Justin, Sly. You gotta get up early in the morning (like 9:00 or 9:30AM) to pull one over on me. Bring back the Britney that we loved so much. I bring my epiphany to you now through this blog. Enjoy! Expect a comeback from the former star Britney Spears soon.

Startin' it off right!

2006-10-04T15:29:00.000-07:00

So, I'm going to be honest here. Take it for what it's worth, but I like blondes. It's not that I don't like Brunettes or something. I would simply prefer a brunette to change her hair to blonde. I don't think that is too much to ask, and I'm not asking if you think it is too much to ask.

I know some of you are thinking to yourself, about dyeing hair a different color, "but those aren't really hers", or "they aren't real" (her hairs that is, don't get sidetracked). You might be right, but I don't care. I like what I like. You have to know, the "real you" does not matter. It's all about what everyone else wants you to be. Screw what you want! How selfish are you anyhow? If needs be, ask everyone else what you should do or who you should be and be quick to change the way you are now before anybody doesn't like you. Take a poll.

I'd change my hair color if my girl asked me too. You may have thought that I would not be willing to do this, but I would. I’m a giver. I would do whatever is financially feasible to change myself, so I can be just like the majority (or my girl, love ya Pookems!) would like me to be. I may take, but I give too.

Now the question comes: How should I change? Your strength of effect on my change is equal to your importance level in my life. Please feel free to change me and give me all the advice I can handle, which is all of it. Give me your input! On top of this, please feel free to talk about your general preferences for others. Some people may come here to understand what their identity should be, and you could help them understand. Remember, I like blondes!

To get you started off right, check out this Website, they will tell you what to do and I bet they are right; at least they will be close.